I received this flame as a review to my fic "Lost Souls" when I posted it on Media Miner. To be honest I hate flamers... they are gutless people that delight in trying to hurt authors and shame them... I have no time for these people and usually don't bother to reply to them, however..... I have decided to reply to this one for two reasons... 1. The person concerned never had the courage to leave an e mail addy and 2. I want readers to see the flame for what it is... a bunch of crap. I hope you enjoy how I deal with flamers.
STOP PRESS: JUST COME IN.... "LOST SOULS' WAS AWARDED BEST ANGST FIC AND BEST OVERALL FIC IN THE GUNDAM WING SECTION OF THE RECENT MISSION ANIME FAN FICTION COMPETITION. NOT BAD FOR A FIC THAT ACCORDING TO THIS FLAMER IS NO GOOD!
The flame is written in normal type.... My response is done in BOLD
Have a laugh.....
Flame response..... April 12th 2003.... ShenLong
Title: Uh... what? Title?
Title: Response to Jessica's
I've read up to the second chapter so far, and I just wanted to give my opinion on it.
Shen: "Thats fine but I really think you should read the entire fic before making comments on the overall story not just base your opinions on the first two chapters."
The prologue was very well written, and that's most of what drew me in. First and second chapter were done pretty well too, but there's just a lot missing in them that sets them apart from the prologue. In the first chapter, you tended to repeat things a lot.
Shen: "Had you taken the time to read the notes at the top of the fic you would have noticed that the Prologue was in fact written four months after the original fic was written and is a prologue of sorts. Originally this fic did not have a prologue, it wasn't until a few months later that I heard the song and thought that the lyrics would be a great basis for a song fic which ultimately bcame the prologue of sorts. The first two chapters tend to explain the basis of the fic and set the plot for the remainder, I don't know where you are coming from with the idea of repeating things... and also if I were to fill in any of the 'missing bits' as you put it then I may as well not bother to write the fic as it would have all been done in the first chapter! Can you honestly tell me that you buy a novel and expect the whole plot line to be revealed in the first two chapters? I think not."
First: The whole part involving Hilde and Duo was a little... odd. I don't think Duo would have given in that easily if he was thinking of Heero and loved him that much, and if you meant that he only did it because he thought it was useless going after Heero, than you REALLY need to state that clearer with a few good, descriptive paragraphs.
Shen: "Had you read the chapter properly you would have seen that Duo, while having feelings for Heero knows he cannot have him as hes with Relena. Combine that with Hildes need and the fact they have been drinking and naturally a man with hormones isnt going to refuse what is offered."
Duo: "Damn right!!!"
It's good that Heero and Duo feel the same way about eachother and share the same fears of the other not being homosexual, but it's not okay to use the same wording while you explain this.
Shen: "The wording is different, unlike some I do not need to cut and paste paragraphs to repeat things. Both pilot's feelings are revealed but not in the same wording.... Are you sure you read this?"
Also, just to make it make more sense, why don't you have Hilde slip something into his drink first so that the "...time to play her last card..." makes sense.
Shen: "Im afraid that while you may condone the use of illicit drugs I do not unless specifically prescribed by a doctor, besides as stated in the fic Hilde was trying to seduce him nicely, not frighten him off."
Duo: "I hate drugs and I don't need them to convince me to jump someones bones."
Heero: "I can vouch for that." *grins*
Then, have Duo leave on his own accord
Duo: "Errr...." *scratches head* "Just who's plot bunny was this and who is the author of the fic here?"
instead of apologizing---
Shen: "It takes two to tango and Duo is too much of a gentleman to not apologise besides he is the male here and by the laws of society he is the one that should be able to stop when requested to do so."
Duo: "Yeah I am a gentleman."
Heero: "Not always." *winks*
Duo: "Now be honest here Hee-chan, I haven't heard any complains whether I'm gentle or rough."
Shen: "Can we get back to responding to this flame guys?"
Duo & Heero: "Sure."
after all, it IS Hilde's fault.
Shen: "YAY! You mean to say that you actually read this part of the chapter correctly and noticed it was a major point?" *faints*
Duo: "We know it was Hilde's fault but I'm not a total bastard yanno. I suppose I should have been able to control myself but then again when you're as hormonal as I am you take what you can get."
Heero: *snickers* "And it was my name he called when he came."
Hilde should be more evil and possessive if she wants him THAT bad.
Shen: "I thought she was doing pretty good with sneaky and seductive. You get evil and posessive with men and they tend to run."
Heero: "Besides the Exorcist has been done before."
Duo: *shudders* "I don't think I could handle a Regan. Yuk! just thinking about green pea soup sets my stomach churning."
So do something interesting with them.
Shen: "I thought them screwing each other silly was interesting enough . Not to mention being turfed out on the streets which leads into the main plot! Obviously there is no satisfying some people! "
Duo: "Does that mean I get to jump Heero more? Huh? Huh?"
Heero: *pleading looks*
As for Heero, well, you might want to include that fact that he protects Relena because he, as a soldier, needs something to protect.
Shen: "Sorry but have the wrong end of the stick here. Nowhere in the fic does it state that Heero, as a soldier, needs to protect Relena for the sake of having something to protect this is the opinion you have formed by yourself and your friends ideas. It is clearly stated in the fic that Heero protects Relena only because he has nothing else to dedicate his life too, the one thing he cared most for and wanted to make a life with had returned to L2 with Hilde. "
Heero: "Curse that woman."
Duo: "Ohhh baby, you wanted me."
After the end of the wars, that's all he has left. It can also be a form of torture, yes, and that's a pretty good idea. But WHY is it a form of torture?
Shen: "The answer to that question is written in the fic itself if you had taken the time to have read the chapter properly you would know this."
Duo: "Yup, Shen's right there."
Heero: "I hate torture."
Duo: "Why koi, you haven't complained before."
Heero: "I didn't say I hated your kind of torture."
Duo: "Mmmmm.... remind me to get out the handcuffs later."
Shen: *cough cough* "Can we get back on track here guys? I promise you both a nice little bondage fic if you will behave for now."
Duo: "Ohhh goodie." *grins*
Because Relena's there? No. Because Heero feels that he doesn't deserve love.
Heero: "Who said I didn't deserve love?"
Duo: "I think you deserve love baby."
*sounds of smooching*
Shen: *sighs* "Tell me are you thick here or what? Heero at no time says he doesnt deserve love. He is angsting over the fact that he didnt make his feelings known before it was to late, therefore by protecting Relena he can suffer the girl's passes at him and remind himself of the love he hadnt the courage to claim."
He doesn't feel that he deserves anything good, no, not after what he's done... and protecting something (i.e. Relena) is the only way he can repent.
Shen: "See above . I hate repetition."
Heero: "Why the hell should I have to repent? I did what I was told to do by Dr J."
Duo: "Yeah, and if he did feel the need to repent it certainly wouldn't be by protecting her. "
And Duo wouldn't necessarily think that Relena tries to seduce him, and it actually is true... it should be more like he thinks Heero is more hapy with her, which is why he stays there.
Shen: "Errr excuse me but I dont know what you were on when you read this part but it clearly states in the fic that Duo thinks Heero stays with Relena because Heero feels love for the princess NOT that he thinks Relena seduced Heero. Geeze I wish people would READ before they comment ! "
Duo : "She tried to seduce you Heero?"
Heero: "Yeah but it didn't work."
Duo: "Thank god!"
Heero: "I much prefer your seducing."
And maybe Duo doesn't like guys. I don't know about you, but Duo seems to be more bi than straight.
Duo: "Hey! Whaad'ya mean I don't like guy's?"
Heero: "That's news to me too. So if that's the case just what the hell was up my ass last night?"
Shen: "Strange then that there should be so many fics out there written by authors that show clearly that Duo is GAY!, regardless of what I personally think of Duos sexual orientation . Besides why then have the creators of the show released a picture with Heero and Duo together in a more than friends embrace? "
Anyway, you're doing OK.
Shen: "Well thank you... I think." *scratches head*
Duo: "I think it's better than okay."
Heero: "You just like all the times you get to have my ass."
Duo: "Well there is that too." *whistles*
Shen: "For you to know this for a fact I take it that this comment is based on personal experience? In reality if done correctly anal sex does NOT hurt, and this I know from a friends personal experience. Unlike some I DO research plots before writing as I like to keep things as close to reality as possible and having a few gay friends, even though I am a married woman myself I have been given the information necessary to write my sex scenes with as much authenticity and correctness as possible."
Duo: "Do I ever hurt you Heero?"
Heero: "Nope... the prep part is really enjoyable when done right."
You forgot to mention that in the second chapter.
Shen: "I don't think I really need to mention that anal sex can be painful if not done correctly, most people with even half a brain can figure that out."
That's a BIG thing to worry about.
Duo: *pulls Heero's spandex out and peeks down the front* "Mmmmm it is a BIG thing."
So is lubricant. Lubricant is VERY important.
Shen: "HELLO THERE!!!!! I did mention the use of soap as a lubricant after all they were in the shower together. Are you sure you read this ????"
Quatre: "Personally I prefer cherry flavoured lube but that washes off too easy in the shower so you make do with what's close at hand."
Also, you might want to do a better job with the lemon scene, and maybe add some LOVING EMOTION in there as they're doing it.
Shen: "If you cared to read properly you would see the underlying emotion there, also it is a teasing part in the fic, Trowa is using his subtle touches to torment his blonde and Quatre returns the favour."
Trowa: "I may not speak a great deal with my voice.... I prefer to let my hands and body do that for me."
Quatre: "Who said my Trowa wasn't loving?"
It was really odd to read that part.
Shen: "Are you sure you aren't a few cards short of a deck there? I mean everyone else that has read the fic and commented hasn't had a problem with it in any shape, way, form or matter."
Duo: "Not as odd as reading this pile of shit you call a review."
It also might be a good idea to make Quatre a little more emotional when he, um, "expresses himself vocally." Like... "Oh, God, Trowa... Oh my... uhhhhhnnnnnnnn... Oh, harder! Harder! Dammit, bitch, I said HARDER!" Well, not necessarily that, but I think you know what I mean... n.n'''
Trowa: "I thought he was vocal enough."
Shen: "A little more emotional and vocal huh? Quatre, want to repeat what you said in the fic?"
Quote [ "Nnnn... Trowa. Gods what are you doing to me?"
he cried. "Please Trowa. I want you to fuck me, fuck me hard."
"Oh yes... that's it baby.... more... harder... give it all to
me... I need it... I want it so bad. Fuck me Trowa." screamed
the blonde. ] end Quote
Duo: "You really said all those words Quatre? Well geeze, I guess you just blew the sweet and innocent image."
Shen: "Unlike you Jessica I dont need to watch porn movies to get my ideas from they come from what experiences my gay friends have had and told me about in order to have my lemon scenes as authentic as possible. These porno movies are just full of fake crap."
I'd really like it if you went over this a little.
Shen: "I have no intention of going over it at all. There is nothing wrong with the fic as it is. Everyone else finds it easy to read, follow and understand so why should I change something for one person?"
I really have no interest in finishing this if that's all you have to offer as a writer.
Shen: "Well that is up to you but it will be your loss not mine. As for it being all I have to offer as a writer then I'm afraid you are a very narrow minded in your views."
Duo: "Yeah, she's the one that will be missing out on all the fun."
Heero: "I second that motion. I got my fun."
I think you have some talent, seeing that you obviously understand Trowa's feelings on love and living.
Quatre: "What about me? Doesn't my understanding count?"
Shen: Talent. *falls over laughing* "Ohhh dear. I have never professed to be an excellent writer but I must be doing something right to be getting the amount of e mails and reviews on my fics... not to mention people asking for sequels and also being on recommended reading lists on various GW sites."
But to make a fanfiction good, especially a yaoi lemon, you need to understand the characters VERY well so that it fits...
Shen: "I haven't had a problem with any of my lemon scenes at all. I think maybe it is you that does. So far you are the only one who seems to think there is something wrong with them, everyone else has told me how much they enjoy my lemon scenes... that they are some of the hottest around."
Duo: "I don't have any complaints. Do any of you other guys?"
Heero: "Nope I get mine all the time."
Quatre: "Me too."
Trowa: "I'm happy."
Wufei: "Well I will be when I get mine in this fic."
Shen: "Be quiet Wufei, you got yours in "Sleepless" which incidently for a writer who is supposed to suck so much according to this person Jessica, WON the Gundam Wing Readers Choice Award."
if you don't quite understand about the character thing,
Duo: "I wouldn't say that. I think she understands us quite well."
Shen: *smug look* "Thank you Duo."
Duo: "You're welcome. Now can I have some more Heero nookie?"
go here and read the character bios... They're REALLY good and VERY accurate: http://croik.com/essays/gundamwing/index.htm
Shen: "Now if that isn't a shameless plug for your own site and pathetic translations I don't know what is. I have been there for a look and let me tell you... you need to get your facts straight before you start to pull other peoples works apart. I can't be bothered to lower myself to your level, suffice to say others can go there and draw their own conclusions from what is your and only your interpretation. Everyone interprets the characters differently, that's what makes fan fics so much fun to read and enjoy."
Duo: "What would she know about Heero and me?"
Trowa: "Same here."
Heero: "Well I know you have an insateable appetite."
Duo: "Ohhh Heero... I love it when you talk dirty to me."
Shen: *rolls eyes* "I guess that means I had better return to writing the rest of these unfinished fics and sequels then."
All: "Damn straight!"