"Let Me Touch You For A While"
Written By: Wicked Game
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I do not own the song Let Me Touch You For A While by Allison Krauss. Note that some of the songs lyrics were changed to reflect a m/m relationship.
Warnings: lemon, drunkeness, prostitution, songfic,
angst, fluff, yaoi
Summary: In my line of work I see all types, but
there was somethin' about this guy that made me just want to give
in... I just wanted to touch him, if only for a night.
Notes: Beta read by triowing and adaina. Alpha read by hostilecrayon and helevorn.
"Let Me Touch You For A While"
Its hotter than a Tennessee Williams play outside but still I find myself walkin to Suzies for a series of numbin drinks and casual conversation. Its not a work night but that doesnt matter anyway. Suzie has never liked me bringin my business inside her bar. Shes always thought itll give her a bad reputation. It isnt anything personal; I know that. Suzies actually quite fond of me. She just isnt all that fond of what I do for a livin.
I didnt start out as a workin boy. No way. I sort of just ended up this way. I started out goin to school. I was gonna be a business major. School and I just didnt click all that well and before I knew it Id dropped out. I was workin small jobs and thats when I got into credit debt. Those credit companies are willing to give any of us younguns a card. Well, combine youthful capriciousness and a low-payin job and you have instant credit debt.
Then a friend of mine told me that I could make a whole lotta dough if I was willin to just blow someone. A blow job. A simple blow job was all that was needed to make twenty dollars. I closed my eyes throughout the whole thing and spit out the seed when he was done comin. I took my twenty dollars and left. After that it seemed too easy to repeat the behavior until I was up to hand jobs and then finally up to lettin people screw me.
I never saw the sex as anything more than a business transaction. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. I feel nothin for the men I sleep with for money. They are a job and nothing more. I cant say that I even remember what they look like. Every single one of em is pixilated, like one of those damned blurred areas on a tits and ass movie thats played before ten in the evenin. Ever since then its just been a routine: on the evenings I choose I go out and sell myself for a while and then go home to swear I wont do it again. Sometimes I think Im so weak.
My white t-shirt is tight anyway because its one I work in, but the humidity is makin it cling to my skin. You know, sweat is supposed to be natures air conditioning but it only seems to be a additional heater right now, even with only thin white cotton over it.
Suzie has this stupid buzzer that goes off every time her door opens or closes. I grimace when I hear it as I open the steel doors. The inside of her bar is hazy and the smell of cigarettes and stale beer permeate the place even though no one is allowed to smoke inside anymore. This place has been ere for so long that it opened before I was even born. But then again, I dont know if twenty-two years is all that long for a bar here in the South. They all have the same smells and they all seem to be ancient.
Evenin Duo. Suzie knows its me without even lookin up. Im guessin it may have somethin to do with my old cowboy boots and the way I walk. Either that or shes psychic.
Evenin Suzie. Can I get a bourbon with water? I settle myself on a stool and watch her as she instinctively makes the drink. Its not hard: bourbon, rocks, and a little water. Its not the best drink in the world but it does feel nice goin down after a long day.
What? You thought whorin myself was the only way I made money? Nah. I also work in a small coffee shop for a few hours a day. Anything to keep me and Fred fed.
Freds my dog. German Shepered mix and eats his own weight in food it seems.
For the love of Pete I dont know why Hank Williams is playin on the jukebox in the corner. It only ever seems to be playin when someone
There he is. The only reason anyone ever plays ol Hank anymore is when theres a brokenhearted man sitting at the bar. Regulars can spot em right away. Theyre the ones who come in askin for a beer and leave drunk and stinkin of whiskey.
And damn, thats one seriously good-lookin, brokenhearted man. Hes not tall but hes very agile lookin. I bet that hes all muscle too, but not dense meathead muscle; more like someone who does yoga every day or practices martial arts regularly. I see a lot of male bodies in my line of work and believe me I know my bodies. His is perfect. I wonder who the hell broke his heart? I can tell by looking at him thats he genuinely hurt. His expression is sincere and he looks almost lost. Part of me wants to try and pick him up as a trick even though Suzie doesnt allow it. The other part of me well wants him for my own reasons.
Its been a long time coming,
Hey, howre you doin? I take the stool next to him even though it has a rip in the vinyl. I signal Suzie for another bourbon and watch him nurse his whiskey. No rocks or water for this guy. Hank stopped singin and now it seems to be Dolly, but Im barely listening. This guys a mess.
Duo, Ive told you before not to bring your business in here. She whispers to me as she takes my money.
Im not. Ive seen some guys like this before and it aint pretty. Im just tryin to be a pal. I turn my attention back to the man on my left. Whats your name?
Look, I just want to be left alone. He briefly turns his gaze to mine and I can see that his eyes seem to be a shade of sapphire blue unlike Ive ever seen before. Damn, hes gorgeous. His face wouldnt end up pixilated if I took him home with me. Hes too pretty to be another faceless trick.
Okay, we can work with that. How bout I call you Fred? Freds the name of my dog.
Do you always talk this much?
Usually he talks more. Do you want another? Suzie is wipin the bar and eavesdropping a little. Heero gestures with his glass and then downs the contents. Suzie sighs gently and sets about fixin him another drink.
So she left you? Or didya catch her cheating? I know Im being nosy but sometimes it pays off to guess right. Theres just something about this guy I dont want him thinkin hes alone. I dont want him to feel like no one understands. I dont want him to be in as much pain as hes obviously in.
Not that its any of your business but it was he, not she. And yeah, I caught the fucker fucking his fucking assistant. Damn asshole had her bent over his desk, fucking her brains out! His scowl is vengeful and for a minute I think he looks like he could kill someone. Its a rage born of extreme pain and for some reason I can relate. Betrayal fuckin sucks.
You loved him, didnt you? I ask softly. I know again that its none of my business but somehow I cant stop myself. This stranger deserves more than hes gotten. Not all of us dig our own graves like I have.
The flame no longer flickers.
Not anymore. Nope. Not any fucking more. He definitely tosses back this whiskey quicker than before and I know hes tryin to drown it out. He wants to believe that hes out of love. He wants to believe its over. But things take time some of the men who fuck me still scream out the names of people theyve loved and lost many years past. We all have our stories and some are more hurtful than others.
Sometimes it takes a stranger to help you let go. I want to be that stranger for him, if only for tonight.
Why dont we get out of here? I have a place nearby. I find myself offerin before I can think twice about it.
I dont fuck prostitutes, is his curt reply. I wanna punch him for being so crass but I know its disgust and alcohol talkin. I can still get him out and away from here; I can still make him see that his night doesnt have to suck totally. I cant change whats happenin to him but maybe I can seduce him into forgetting for a little while that his world feels like its endin.
I didnt offer to fuck you. Ive got alcohol and my place smells better. I just think that maybe you could use a friend. Im sorry, whats your name again?
Heero. He tosses some more money on the bar and tries to stand up. I find myself helpin him and tossin Suzie a generous tip that I probably cant afford.
Im takin him back to my place to sleep it off, I tell Suzie, and then were out the door.
I dont hardly know you,
Why are you doing this? You dont know me His walk is stumbling down the sidewalk. He looks like hes at sea and Im his mast. He clings to me like hes gonna fall into the ocean and it makes me smile to think of either one of us walkin the plank. Neither one of us would last long were we set adrift I dont think.
I like to help. I cant stand to see a gorgeous man in pain, I joke, and I earn a drunken chuckle in response.
Youre a hooker, he comments.
Yep. Im a hooker. I fuck people for a livin, but not tonight. Tonight Im just Duo. Tonight Im a friend and whatever else you need me to be. Im surprised that its the truth. I can offer this man so many things that can chase away his blues, but I choose to let him decide. Its curious really.
You dont have to do this. He stops and tries to look me straight in the eye. I think he may be seein two of me though.
No I dont. But Heero, sometimes you just need someone to give to you. Just let me try to give you somethin to take the pain away for a little bit. I cant offer medication or much alcohol besides what I have in my apartment but I can offer you me. Im human just like you. Just let lemme help you feel something else than what youre feelin.
Suzie was right, you do talk too much. He holds my hand and we walk in silence to my place.
Once we get there hes searchin for the whiskey once again, and for some reason I want to cry. Pain is such a terrible thing, especially when it comes to broken hearts. Numbin it is about all that you can do and for some reason I just dont think its good enough for him.
Im gonna ruin my black mascara.
I can see him in my minds eye: three piece suit and a gorgeous boyfriend, sittin together in a nice bar drinkin martinis and joking gently about how rough last nights fuckin was. He should be sittin in a four-star restaurant drinkin Cabernet Sauvignon from Waterford crystal instead of sittin on one of my lousy kitchen chairs drinkin Jack from a chipped old-fashioned glass with dishwasher spots on it.
Yet still, he looks oddly at home there, starin into the amber liquid as if it were a magical mirror. What was it showin him? What did he see when he looked at himself? I was willin to bet it wasnt what I saw.
That tousled hair looked like mussed sex hair all the time I bet, and I wonder if it still looks like dark chocolate in the sunlight. His lids are heavy with drink and tiredness but I wonder if they look like that when theyre heavy and sated with lust? His skin looks smooth and his nails look clean. This guy is a gem somehow and I wonder who couldve been so stupid?
Whats his name? I ask him as I stand behind him. My fingers are playin with that thick hair before I can stop myself but he doesnt seem to mind.
Dashiel Corsica Rutherford. His voice is pompous and self-important and I know hes mockin the man who broke his heart.
Whats her name? I bend over slightly and I can still smell his shampoo even through the lingerin smells from Suzies.
Olivia. The name is spat out through his teeth and I know he doesnt want to go any further into that.
Ol Dash is an idiot. I bring my hands down on his cotton-covered shoulders and I rub lightly, hoping to relieve some of his stress.
Why? Heeros voice is honestly curious.
Because anyone would be a fool to let you out of their grasp. I tilt his heavy head back and latch my lips onto his. I cant help it, I just want to touch him and taste him and set him free.
I dont hardly know you,
Duo, I dont think His protests are swallowed by my tongue invadin his mouth and all I can taste is sweetness and heat. When I pull away I hush him and help him stand up.
Dont think. Just let me touch you Just let me help you forget everything if only for a little while
He doesnt acknowledge my words. He just lets me lead him through my place until we reach my modest bedroom. He stands still while I take off my boots and socks, and then watches with a glaze of interest as I remove my jeans and my t-shirt. Im naked in front of him and for once I dont think Ill ever regret this.
I take my time undressin him, kissin and suckin skin as I reveal it. I make sure to fold all his clothin as I take it off so that it stays nice. This isnt one of my piggish clients; this is someone special, even if hes only special to me for this night alone. When hes finally naked he is fully aroused and Im surprised he could get it up.
The beds only a full but we fit onto it nicely due to both of us being somewhat lackin in physical size. I hold him down and attack his lips, trying to suck the pain out of him and take it into myself. I lap at his nipples and nibble his inner thighs. Hes not exactly writhin yet but I can tell hes very willin and able to do this.
He watches my movements with heavy eyes and now I know how his eyes look when theyre heavy with lust. I open the drawer next to the bed and grab the lube. I squeeze some onto my fingers and straddle his thighs.
What are you I press an un-slicked finger to his lips and reach behind my own erection to my asshole. I do this a lot. I press my finger in and work it around. I dont need much preparation at all for this act. I fuck for a livin, remember?
The whole time Im preparin myself hes just watchin me waitin. I watch him open his mouth a few time like he is gonna say somethin but then he snaps it shut again and he moves a little as if hes impatient for whats comin.
Two fingers movin easily in and out are all I really need. I move so that his shaft is right beneath me.
Hold it still, I encourage him. He takes his hand and holds his dick firmly as I sink down onto him. I use short movements, up and down and repeat until Im sliding easily on and off of him. His eyes have drifted shut and hes biting his lower lip, afraid of lettin out things he wants to say.
Heero, open your eyes. He does, and I look straight into him as I ride his pole slowly and languidly as the summer sweat of the South rolls off my skin. It wont hurt me. I told you: whatever you need. Say you what you need to say.
I loved him. His eyes are looking into mine. I dont love you.
Yeah, so? I dont care if he loves me. He feels fuckin good inside me and Im giving him obvious pleasure. His skins flushed and hes sweatin heavily even though were barely movin. It has to be the alcohol combined with the humidity. I reach behind me and take out the hair band holdin my long braid tight. I keep movin as I quickly unravel my braid and shake the hair loose. His eyes are glued on me and have become wide with hunger and with amazement.
He never made me feel like this! His gasp is one of wonder and I know now that part of his problem is that hes enjoyin this too much.
Sometimes stranger sex is the best sex, I tell him as I move a little firmer against him. He moans and I know he wants more. Im right there with him, needin more and tryin to take it.
But you dont feel like a stranger. His eyes hold mine and I can see the confusion there; the warrin within.
Im a stranger all right, but I dont hafta be. I can be Dashiel or I can be Olivia. I can be your best friend or I can be your worst enemy. Right now all I want is to be your temporary lover. Right now all I want is for you to give your pain away. I just want to see you smile, if only for a moment. I dont want life to be this way for you. You dont deserve it. I increase the speed of my movements, our flesh slappin together and my hair flowin around me. I can feel it stickin to my skin and I can feel his body start to shake. I place my left hand back on his thigh for stability and I wrap my right hand around my own dripping erection so I can pump it mercilessly for him to see.
Oh fuck, Duo I feel him seize up before I feel the warmth inside of me. A couple of quick pumps and Im joinin him in orgasm, covering both of us with semen. I let go and fall on top of his slicked body, panting with exertion and completion. Im surprised when he starts to stroke my hair and back as gently as one would stroke a loved one.
Thank you, he says softly. I lift my head and look into those eyes. They dont seem so lined now, even though theyre heavy with sexual satisfaction.
The small smile on his lips is my reward and my solace for what Ive done tonight. This man didnt want to come home with me. He just wanted to be left alone. His smile is my whole reason for bein right now and I kiss that smile tenderly before getting up for the cleaning.
You can stay right here if you want. Youre too tired and drunk to do much else. I suggest from the hallway. I dont hear an answer and as I come back into the room I can see why.
Heero has fallen asleep, covered in sweat and semen.
I smile and clean him and me before climbin back into bed. Hes warm and I let myself snuggle up to him, tellin myself that I can just make some excuse for it in the mornin. Truth be told, I dont let my johns sleep over. But damn do I love havin another warm body to hold onto when I get the chance.
I take one last look at his face before I go to sleep. Tomorrow hell be gone, and Ill never see him again but a face like that is worth rememberin.
I awoke to a cold bed. His clothin was gone but there was a note on my nightstand, weighted down by my tube of lube. I smiled as I reached for it. I knew what it was but that last touch of the tube almost had me laughin.
You deserve more than youve been given. Life doesnt have to be a series of tricks for you, Duo. You have a big heart and I hope that someday youll be happy enough to smile for the right reasons. I cant tell you what youve done for me but I can assure you that youve done more for me than anyone else ever has. Get out of this racket and do better for yourself and do better by me. Maybe one day we can meet on the street and be on equal footing.
Im grateful for that note. That was two months ago now. I didnt think much about it that day; but when I tried to go out to work that night I couldnt do it. Just lost the taste for it somehow. I knew it was bound to happen someday and that his note had just been the catalyst for the inevitable reaction. He was right, I did wanna smile for the right reasons.
Suzie gave me a job and I enrolled in bartendin school. She said shed need someone to run the place for when she was gone one day. I honestly didnt think the broad was capable of dyin but it got me a steady job so I didnt care.
I wonder what happened to that guy? I think about him a lot. I mean a lot. I wish I had gotten his last name. I wish a lot of things but if wishes were fishes, eh?
Im cleanin the glasses behind the counter and Im countin the hours until Im off. Bein off means I can go home and relax no instead of going home, changin clothes and hittin the streets. Bartendin is a lot of stress though because all you do is listen to people bitch all day. Suzie has said a lot of times that bartenders are just like crackpot therapists except we get paid less.
I hear the buzzer on the door and I dont turn around. This time of night its usually men who had to work late or women comin in for a drink or two before going out to turn tricks. I freeze when I hear that familiar voice behind me.
You wouldnt happen to know where I could get some good advice and a whiskey neat, would you?
I turn around and look into those eyes, completely sober and holdin a light of amusement in them. Heero? Im completely shocked and halfway convinced I hit my head on somethin. I touch my head and feel no bumps.
Do you want to get out of here? I have a place nearby He smiles and leaves the echoin statement hangin.
Im workin, but I can see if I can get off early, I smile at him.
You work here? Hes surprised and I realize that he thinks I still turn tricks. I almost get offended but then realize how easily it couldve been true and stop the ire from risin.
Yeah, ever since well, you dont care about that. Lemme see if I can find Ol Suzie. I duck into the back and ask Suzie if I can take off a little early.
A little early? Youve got two hours left! Shes just a little incredulous.
Yeah, but Ive got one of the best things Ive ever met out there wantin me to go out with him. Please? Ill work a double for free tomorrow. I bat my eyelashes at her and shes lost.
Just go. I kiss her cheek and take off my apron. Heeros still waiting by the bar, dressed in a nice gray button-up and a pair of wool trousers.
What do you wanna go out with me for? I ask him as we step out of the bar and into the evenin.
I just want to be the one to put a smile on your face, is what he says and I stop to kiss him. He looks stunned when I pull away but I smile for him anyway.
Id smile for you anytime. He grins back at me and its like the sun comin up. Whyd ya come back now of all times? Its been two months.
I had some thinking to do and some moving to do and then some more thinking to do and it seemed that no matter how much I tried that a lot of my thinking was about you. I laugh and hold out my hand for his. Our fingers twine together and I almost want to cry because it seems so unreal. Even footing he had said I wonder if its true.
I was a hooker. I point out to him.
Not to me you werent, he counters.
I seduced you that night. You were drunk and didnt want to come with me but I knew if I could just get you home with me then maybe I could help take your pain away. My confession leaves both of us at a loss for words and our walk is silent for a while.
You did take the pain away. You also took away my guilt and my shame over the whole ordeal. But what was left was sadness. You had given so much to me that night and had asked for nothing in return, even though you so obviously needed it. I want to pull away but he holds my hand tight.
I got fucked, didnt I? I know the words are crass but I dont want his pity. Awesome sex is something, right? I had gotten that, what else did I need?
Let me give you something you need. He stops us and wraps his arms around me in a fierce hug. I feel like shiverin even though it isnt cold.
Just what do you think I need, Heero? I manage to make the words come out despite myself.
You need someone to show you thats theres so much more to life. You need someone to bring a genuine smile to your face. You need someone to tell you that you deserve more. His face reveals his internal debate over his next sentence. You need me.
I need you?
Yes, Duo. You need me just like I need you. I havent felt the same since that night and I need you to show me why. Let me show you why you need me the same way. Just let me touch you like youve touched me.
I dont know whether to cry or to laugh or to hit or to run away. Im all of a sudden scared and tired and horny and sentimental. He makes me feel things I wasnt sure I would ever feel and I want more. I never was afraid of the fall, just the sudden stop at the end. I take a deep breath and exhale. So touch me then, Heero. Touch me before I can get away.
I dont hardly know you,
- The End -