"Let Me Touch You For A While"

Written By: Wicked Game

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I do not own the song “Let Me Touch You For A While” by Allison Krauss. Note that some of the songs lyrics were changed to reflect a m/m relationship.

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: lemon, drunkeness, prostitution, songfic, angst, fluff, yaoi

Summary: In my line of work I see all types, but there was somethin' about this guy that made me just want to give in... I just wanted to touch him, if only for a night.

Pairing: 1x2

Notes: Beta read by triowing and adaina. Alpha read by hostilecrayon and helevorn.

 

"Let Me Touch You For A While"

It’s hotter than a Tennessee William’s play outside but still I find myself walkin’ to Suzie’s for a series of numbin’ drinks and casual conversation. It’s not a work night but that doesn’t matter anyway. Suzie has never liked me bringin’ my business inside her bar. She’s always thought it’ll give her a bad reputation. It isn’t anything personal; I know that. Suzie’s actually quite fond of me. She just isn’t all that fond of what I do for a livin’.

I didn’t start out as a workin’… boy. No way. I sort of just ended up this way. I started out goin’ to school. I was gonna be a business major. School and I just didn’t click all that well and before I knew it I’d dropped out. I was workin’ small jobs and that’s when I got into credit debt. Those credit companies are willing to give any of us young’uns a card. Well, combine youthful capriciousness and a low-payin’ job and you have instant credit debt.

Then a friend of mine told me that I could make a whole lotta dough if I was willin’ to just blow someone. A blow job. A simple blow job was all that was needed to make twenty dollars. I closed my eyes throughout the whole thing and spit out the seed when he was done comin’. I took my twenty dollars and left. After that it seemed too easy to repeat the behavior until I was up to hand jobs and then finally up to lettin’ people screw me.

I never saw the sex as anything more than a business transaction. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. I feel nothin’ for the men I sleep with for money. They are a job and nothing more. I can’t say that I even remember what they look like. Every single one of ‘em is pixilated, like one of those damned blurred areas on a tits and ass movie that’s played before ten in the evenin’. Ever since then it’s just been a routine: on the evenings I choose I go out and sell myself for a while and then go home to swear I won’t do it again. Sometimes I think I’m so weak.

My white t-shirt is tight anyway because it’s one I work in, but the humidity is makin’ it cling to my skin. You know, sweat is supposed to be nature’s air conditioning but it only seems to be a additional heater right now, even with only thin white cotton over it.

Suzie has this stupid buzzer that goes off every time her door opens or closes. I grimace when I hear it as I open the steel doors. The inside of her bar is hazy and the smell of cigarettes and stale beer permeate the place even though no one is allowed to smoke inside anymore. This place has been ‘ere for so long that it opened before I was even born. But then again, I don’t know if twenty-two years is all that long for a bar here in the South. They all have the same smells and they all seem to be ancient.

“Evenin’ Duo.” Suzie knows it’s me without even lookin’ up. I’m guessin’ it may have somethin’ to do with my old cowboy boots and the way I walk. Either that or she’s psychic.

“Evenin’ Suzie. Can I get a bourbon with water?” I settle myself on a stool and watch her as she instinctively makes the drink. It’s not hard: bourbon, rocks, and a little water. It’s not the best drink in the world but it does feel nice goin’ down after a long day.

What? You thought whorin’ myself was the only way I made money? Nah. I also work in a small coffee shop for a few hours a day. Anything to keep me and Fred fed.

Fred’s my dog. German Shepered mix and eats his own weight in food it seems.

For the love of Pete I don’t know why Hank Williams is playin’ on the jukebox in the corner. It only ever seems to be playin’ when someone…

Oh.

There he is. The only reason anyone ever plays ol’ Hank anymore is when there’s a brokenhearted man sitting at the bar. Regulars can spot ‘em right away. They’re the ones who come in askin’ for a beer and leave drunk and stinkin’ of whiskey.

And damn, that’s one seriously good-lookin’, brokenhearted man. He’s not tall but he’s very agile lookin’. I bet that he’s all muscle too, but not dense meathead muscle; more like someone who does yoga every day or practices martial arts regularly. I see a lot of male bodies in my line of work and believe me I know my bodies. His is… perfect. I wonder who the hell broke his heart? I can tell by looking at him that’s he genuinely hurt. His expression is sincere and he looks… almost lost. Part of me wants to try and pick him up as a trick even though Suzie doesn’t allow it. The other part of me… well… wants him for my own reasons.

It’s been a long time coming,
as you shed a lonesome tear.
Now you’re in a wonderama.
I wonder what your doing here.

“Hey, how’re you doin’?” I take the stool next to him even though it has a rip in the vinyl. I signal Suzie for another bourbon and watch him nurse his whiskey. No rocks or water for this guy. Hank stopped singin’ and now it seems to be Dolly, but I’m barely listening. This guy’s a mess.

“Duo, I’ve told you before not to bring your business in here.” She whispers to me as she takes my money.

“I’m not. I’ve seen some guys like this before and it ain’t pretty. I’m just tryin’ to be a pal.” I turn my attention back to the man on my left. “What’s your name?”

“Look, I just want to be left alone.” He briefly turns his gaze to mine and I can see that his eyes seem to be a shade of sapphire blue unlike I’ve ever seen before. Damn, he’s gorgeous. His face wouldn’t end up pixilated if I took him home with me. He’s too pretty to be another faceless trick.

“Okay, we can work with that. How ‘bout I call you Fred? Fred’s the name of my dog.”

“Do you always talk this much?”

“Usually he talks more. Do you want another?” Suzie is wipin’ the bar and eavesdropping a little. Heero gestures with his glass and then downs the contents. Suzie sighs gently and sets about fixin’ him another drink.

“So… she left you? Or didya catch her cheating?” I know I’m being nosy but sometimes it pays off to guess right. There’s just something about this guy… I don’t want him thinkin’ he’s alone. I don’t want him to feel like no one understands. I don’t want him to be in as much pain as he’s obviously in.

“Not that it’s any of your business but it was he, not she. And yeah, I caught the fucker fucking his fucking assistant. Damn asshole had her bent over his desk, fucking her brains out!” His scowl is vengeful and for a minute I think he looks like he could kill someone. It’s a rage born of extreme pain and for some reason I can relate. Betrayal fuckin’ sucks.

“You loved him, didn’t you?” I ask softly. I know again that it’s none of my business but somehow I can’t stop myself. This stranger deserves more than he’s gotten. Not all of us dig our own graves like I have.

The flame no longer flickers.
You’re feeling just like a fool.
You keep staring into your liquor.
I’m wondering what to do.

“Not anymore. Nope. Not any fucking more.” He definitely tosses back this whiskey quicker than before and I know he’s tryin’ to drown it out. He wants to believe that he’s out of love. He wants to believe it’s over. But things take time… some of the men who fuck me still scream out the names of people they’ve loved and lost many years past. We all have our stories and some are more hurtful than others.

Sometimes it takes a stranger to help you let go. I want to be that stranger for him, if only for tonight.

“Why don’t we get out of here? I have a place nearby.” I find myself offerin’ before I can think twice about it.

“I don’t fuck prostitutes,” is his curt reply. I wanna punch him for being so crass but I know it’s disgust and alcohol talkin’. I can still get him out and away from here; I can still make him see that his night doesn’t have to suck totally. I can’t change what’s happenin’ to him but maybe I can seduce him into forgetting for a little while that his world feels like it’s endin’.

“I didn’t offer to fuck you. I’ve got alcohol and my place smells better. I just think that maybe you could use a friend. I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”

“Heero.” He tosses some more money on the bar and tries to stand up. I find myself helpin’ him and tossin’ Suzie a generous tip that I probably can’t afford.

“I’m takin’ him back to my place to sleep it off,” I tell Suzie, and then we’re out the door.

I don’t hardly know you,
but I’d be willing to show you.
I know a way to make you smile.
Let me touch you for a while.

“Why are you doing this? You don’t know me…” His walk is stumbling down the sidewalk. He looks like he’s at sea and I’m his mast. He clings to me like he’s gonna fall into the ocean and it makes me smile to think of either one of us walkin’ the plank. Neither one of us would last long were we set adrift I don’t think.

“I like to help. I can’t stand to see a gorgeous man in pain,” I joke, and I earn a drunken chuckle in response.

“You’re a hooker,” he comments.

“Yep. I’m a hooker. I fuck people for a livin’, but not tonight. Tonight I’m just Duo. Tonight I’m a friend and whatever else you need me to be.” I’m surprised that it’s the truth. I can offer this man so many things that can chase away his blues, but I choose to let him decide. It’s curious really.

“You don’t have to do this.” He stops and tries to look me straight in the eye. I think he may be seein’ two of me though.

“No I don’t. But Heero, sometimes you just need someone to give to you. Just let me try to give you somethin’ to take the pain away for a little bit. I can’t offer medication or much alcohol besides what I have in my apartment but I can offer you me. I’m human just like you. Just let… lemme help you feel something else than what you’re feelin’.”

“Suzie was right, you do talk too much.” He holds my hand and we walk in silence to my place.

Once we get there he’s searchin’ for the whiskey once again, and for some reason I want to cry. Pain is such a terrible thing, especially when it comes to broken hearts. Numbin’ it is about all that you can do and for some reason I just don’t think it’s good enough for him.

I’m gonna ruin my black mascara.
You’re drinking whiskey when it should be wine.
You keep on looking in to that mirror,
but to me your looking really fine.

I can see him in my mind’s eye: three piece suit and a gorgeous boyfriend, sittin’ together in a nice bar drinkin’ martinis and joking gently about how rough last night’s fuckin’ was. He should be sittin’ in a four-star restaurant drinkin’ Cabernet Sauvignon from Waterford crystal instead of sittin’ on one of my lousy kitchen chairs drinkin’ Jack from a chipped old-fashioned glass with dishwasher spots on it.

Yet still, he looks oddly at home there, starin’ into the amber liquid as if it were a magical mirror. What was it showin’ him? What did he see when he looked at himself? I was willin’ to bet it wasn’t what I saw.

That tousled hair looked like mussed sex hair all the time I bet, and I wonder if it still looks like dark chocolate in the sunlight. His lids are heavy with drink and tiredness but I wonder if they look like that when they’re heavy and sated with lust? His skin looks smooth and his nails look clean. This guy is a gem somehow and I wonder who could’ve been so stupid?

“What’s his name?” I ask him as I stand behind him. My fingers are playin’ with that thick hair before I can stop myself but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Dashiel Corsica Rutherford.” His voice is pompous and self-important and I know he’s mockin’ the man who broke his heart.

“What’s her name?” I bend over slightly and I can still smell his shampoo even through the lingerin’ smells from Suzie’s.

“Olivia.” The name is spat out through his teeth and I know he doesn’t want to go any further into that.

“Ol’ Dash is an idiot.” I bring my hands down on his cotton-covered shoulders and I rub lightly, hoping to relieve some of his stress.

“Why?” Heero’s voice is honestly curious.

“Because anyone would be a fool to let you out of their grasp.” I tilt his heavy head back and latch my lips onto his. I can’t help it, I just want to touch him and taste him and set him free.

I don’t hardly know you,
but I’d be willing to show you.
I know a way to make you laugh at that cowboy as he’s walking out your door.
I know a way to make you smile.
Just let me whisper things
you’ve never heard before.
Just let me touch you baby.
Just let me touch you for a while.

“Duo, I don’t think…” His protests are swallowed by my tongue invadin’ his mouth and all I can taste is sweetness and heat. When I pull away I hush him and help him stand up.

“Don’t think. Just let me touch you… Just let me help you forget everything… if only for a little while…”

He doesn’t acknowledge my words. He just lets me lead him through my place until we reach my modest bedroom. He stands still while I take off my boots and socks, and then watches with a glaze of interest as I remove my jeans and my t-shirt. I’m naked in front of him and for once I don’t think I’ll ever regret this.

I take my time undressin’ him, kissin’ and suckin’ skin as I reveal it. I make sure to fold all his clothin’ as I take it off so that it stays nice. This isn’t one of my piggish clients; this is someone special, even if he’s only special to me for this night alone. When he’s finally naked he is fully aroused and I’m surprised he could get it up.

The bed’s only a full but we fit onto it nicely due to both of us being somewhat lackin’ in physical size. I hold him down and attack his lips, trying to suck the pain out of him and take it into myself. I lap at his nipples and nibble his inner thighs. He’s not exactly writhin’ yet but I can tell he’s very willin’ and able to do this.

He watches my movements with heavy eyes and now I know how his eyes look when they’re heavy with lust. I open the drawer next to the bed and grab the lube. I squeeze some onto my fingers and straddle his thighs.

“What are you…” I press an un-slicked finger to his lips and reach behind my own erection to my asshole. I do this a lot. I press my finger in and work it around. I don’t need much preparation at all for this act. I fuck for a livin’, remember?

The whole time I’m preparin’ myself he’s just watchin’ me… waitin’. I watch him open his mouth a few time like he is gonna say somethin’ but then he snaps it shut again and he moves a little as if he’s impatient for what’s comin’.

Two fingers movin’ easily in and out are all I really need. I move so that his shaft is right beneath me.

“Hold it still,” I encourage him. He takes his hand and holds his dick firmly as I sink down onto him. I use short movements, up and down and repeat until I’m sliding easily on and off of him. His eyes have drifted shut and he’s biting his lower lip, afraid of lettin’ out things he wants to say.

“Heero, open your eyes.” He does, and I look straight into him as I ride his pole slowly and languidly as the summer sweat of the South rolls off my skin. “It won’t hurt me. I told you: whatever you need. Say you what you need to say.”

“I loved him.” His eyes are looking into mine. “I don’t love you.”

“Yeah, so?” I don’t care if he loves me. He feels fuckin’ good inside me and I’m giving him obvious pleasure. His skin’s flushed and he’s sweatin’ heavily even though we’re barely movin’. It has to be the alcohol combined with the humidity. I reach behind me and take out the hair band holdin’ my long braid tight. I keep movin’ as I quickly unravel my braid and shake the hair loose. His eyes are glued on me and have become wide with hunger and with amazement.

“He never made me feel like this!” His gasp is one of wonder and I know now that part of his problem is that he’s enjoyin’ this too much.

“Sometimes stranger sex is the best sex,” I tell him as I move a little firmer against him. He moans and I know he wants more. I’m right there with him, needin’ more and tryin’ to take it.

“But you don’t feel like a stranger.” His eyes hold mine and I can see the confusion there; the warrin’ within.

“I’m a stranger all right, but I don’t hafta be. I can be Dashiel or I can be Olivia. I can be your best friend or I can be your worst enemy. Right now all I want is to be your temporary lover. Right now all I want is for you to give your pain away. I just want to see you smile, if only for a moment. I don’t want life to be this way for you. You don’t deserve it.” I increase the speed of my movements, our flesh slappin’ together and my hair flowin’ around me. I can feel it stickin’ to my skin and I can feel his body start to shake. I place my left hand back on his thigh for stability and I wrap my right hand around my own dripping erection so I can pump it mercilessly for him to see.

“Oh fuck, Duo…” I feel him seize up before I feel the warmth inside of me. A couple of quick pumps and I’m joinin’ him in orgasm, covering both of us with semen. I let go and fall on top of his slicked body, panting with exertion and completion. I’m surprised when he starts to stroke my hair and back as gently as one would stroke a loved one.

“Thank you,” he says softly. I lift my head and look into those eyes. They don’t seem so lined now, even though they’re heavy with sexual satisfaction.

The small smile on his lips is my reward and my solace for what I’ve done tonight. This man didn’t want to come home with me. He just wanted to be left alone. His smile is my whole reason for bein’ right now and I kiss that smile tenderly before getting’ up for the cleaning.

“You can stay right here if you want. You’re too tired and drunk to do much else.” I suggest from the hallway. I don’t hear an answer and as I come back into the room I can see why.

Heero has fallen asleep, covered in sweat and semen.

I smile and clean him and me before climbin’ back into bed. He’s warm and I let myself snuggle up to him, tellin’ myself that I can just make some excuse for it in the mornin’. Truth be told, I don’t let my johns sleep over. But damn do I love havin’ another warm body to hold onto when I get the chance.

I take one last look at his face before I go to sleep. Tomorrow he’ll be gone, and I’ll never see him again… but a face like that is worth rememberin’.

&&&&&

I awoke to a cold bed. His clothin’ was gone but there was a note on my nightstand, weighted down by my tube of lube. I smiled as I reached for it. I knew what it was but that last touch of the tube almost had me laughin’.

You deserve more than you’ve been given. Life doesn’t have to be a series of tricks for you, Duo. You have a big heart and I hope that someday you’ll be happy enough to smile for the right reasons. I can’t tell you what you’ve done for me but I can assure you that you’ve done more for me than anyone else ever has. Get out of this racket and do better for yourself and do better by me. Maybe one day we can meet on the street and be on equal footing.

-Heero

I’m grateful for that note. That was two months ago now. I didn’t think much about it that day; but when I tried to go out to work that night I couldn’t do it. Just lost the taste for it somehow. I knew it was bound to happen someday and that his note had just been the catalyst for the inevitable reaction. He was right, I did wanna smile for the right reasons.

Suzie gave me a job and I enrolled in bartendin’ school. She said she’d need someone to run the place for when she was gone one day. I honestly didn’t think the broad was capable of dyin’ but it got me a steady job so I didn’t care.

I wonder what happened to that guy? I think about him a lot. I mean… a lot. I wish I had gotten his last name. I wish a lot of things but if wishes were fishes, eh?

I’m cleanin’ the glasses behind the counter and I’m countin’ the hours until I’m off. Bein’ off means I can go home and relax no instead of going home, changin’ clothes and hittin’ the streets. Bartendin’ is a lot of stress though because all you do is listen to people bitch all day. Suzie has said a lot of times that bartenders are just like crackpot therapists except we get paid less.

I hear the buzzer on the door and I don’t turn around. This time of night it’s usually men who had to work late or women comin’ in for a drink or two before going out to turn tricks. I freeze when I hear that familiar voice behind me.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get some good advice and a whiskey neat, would you?”

I turn around and look into those eyes, completely sober and holdin’ a light of amusement in them. “Heero?” I’m completely shocked and halfway convinced I hit my head on somethin’. I touch my head and feel no bumps.

“Do you want to get out of here? I have a place nearby…” He smiles and leaves the echoin’ statement hangin’.

“I’m workin’, but I can see if I can get off early,” I smile at him.

“You work here?” He’s surprised and I realize that he thinks I still turn tricks. I almost get offended but then realize how easily it could’ve been true and stop the ire from risin’.

“Yeah, ever since…well, you don’t care about that. Lemme see if I can find Ol’ Suzie.” I duck into the back and ask Suzie if I can take off a little early.

“A little early? You’ve got two hours left!” She’s just a little incredulous.

“Yeah, but I’ve got one of the best things I’ve ever met out there wantin’ me to go out with him. Please? I’ll work a double for free tomorrow.” I bat my eyelashes at her and she’s lost.

“Just go.” I kiss her cheek and take off my apron. Heero’s still waiting by the bar, dressed in a nice gray button-up and a pair of wool trousers.

“What do you wanna go out with me for?” I ask him as we step out of the bar and into the evenin’.

“I just want to be the one to put a smile on your face,” is what he says and I stop to kiss him. He looks stunned when I pull away but I smile for him anyway.

“I’d smile for you anytime.” He grins back at me and it’s like the sun comin’ up. “Why’d ya come back now of all times? It’s been two months.”

“I had some thinking to do and some moving to do and then some more thinking to do and it seemed that no matter how much I tried that a lot of my thinking was about you.” I laugh and hold out my hand for his. Our fingers twine together and I almost want to cry because it seems so unreal. Even footing he had said… I wonder if it’s true.

“I was a hooker.” I point out to him.

“Not to me you weren’t,” he counters.

“I seduced you that night. You were drunk and didn’t want to come with me but I knew if I could just get you home with me then maybe I could help take your pain away.” My confession leaves both of us at a loss for words and our walk is silent for a while.

“You did take the pain away. You also took away my guilt and my shame over the whole ordeal. But what was left was sadness. You had given so much to me that night and had asked for nothing in return, even though you so obviously needed it.” I want to pull away but he holds my hand tight.

“I got fucked, didn’t I?” I know the words are crass but I don’t want his pity. Awesome sex is something, right? I had gotten that, what else did I need?

“Let me give you something you need.” He stops us and wraps his arms around me in a fierce hug. I feel like shiverin’ even though it isn’t cold.

“Just what do you think I need, Heero?” I manage to make the words come out despite myself.

“You need someone to show you that’s there’s so much more to life. You need someone to bring a genuine smile to your face. You need someone to tell you that you deserve more.” His face reveals his internal debate over his next sentence. “You need me.”

“I need you?”

“Yes, Duo. You need me just like I need you. I haven’t felt the same since that night and I need you to show me why. Let me show you why you need me the same way. Just let me touch you like you’ve touched me.”

I don’t know whether to cry or to laugh or to hit or to run away. I’m all of a sudden scared and tired and horny and sentimental. He makes me feel things I wasn’t sure I would ever feel and I want more. I never was afraid of the fall, just the sudden stop at the end. I take a deep breath and exhale. “So touch me then, Heero. Touch me before I can get away.”

I don’t hardly know you,
but I’d be willing to show you
I know a way to make you smile.
It’s been a long time.
Just let me touch you for a while…

- The End -



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