"Being A Raberba"

Written By: sami (sparkley-tangerine)

Disclaimer: I tried to buy the rights to the idea but Heero had a gun and, well....that's all I can remember.

Author: sami (sparkley-tangerine)

Author's e mail: cindersam_6969@yahoo.ca

Rating: R (Parts 1, 2 and 3) NC-17 (Part 4)

Warnings: yaoi/Shonen ai, POV fic, a smidge of angst, lime, eventual lemon

Summary: Quatre's PoV. Just a reason why Quatre introduces himself as Quatre Raberba Winner and how this affects his relationships with the guys and his romance with Trowa. Starts out with none of the pilots knowing each other but progresses up to after Duo finds Trowa at the circus. Some events have been tweaked to fit the fic.

Pairings: Part 3: 2+4(lime)

"Being A Raberba"

Part 3: Duo's Courage

If what had happened with Wufei had confused me, Heero had made me feel like an idiot. I'd underestimated him in the worst way possible, so much so, I'm not sure if either of my missions were a success.

I pushed back the second half of my seduction to get my bearings again, only this time the certainty of who I was eluded me. Heero's words keep drifting through my mind. ~Live by your emotions.~ I do that already....don't I? Sure, I've pushed away the negative ones like guilt, sadness and expectation and have even faked happiness, lust and love but does that really matter?

Heero didn't even hide from my presence, like Wufei had, after our encounter. If anything, he's around more, or maybe I've just noticed it more. No help there.

The last day of our forced meeting, I craved a bit of inner peace, something to keep me grounded as my emotions disobeyed by pleas to listen to reason. I threw caution to the wind and pulled my violin case out of Sandrock's cockpit. It looked a bit worse for wear but still held a melody.

I couldn't play in the house with Wufei meditating again, Duo napping and Heero researching. Trowa was off exploring, I think. He has a love of nature hidden underneath all of that secrecy and silence. He's been feeding the birds and a family of squirrels that live in the pine tree outside of his window when he thinks we aren't watching.

With my case, I walked a ways down the river leading from the waterfalls. The land was a bit swampy here but the sun was shining brightly, so I had continued until I came across a large willow tree growing half on the bank of the now calm river. The ground around its base was surprisingly sturdy as I settled down, opened my case, took out my violin, set it under my chin and began to play.

At first, I did not play a well known tune but what I felt. It was fast-paced, repetitive and incomplete. My eyes fell closed as I calmed and my favorite piece ended up coming out of my made up melody.

I had been so caught up in the music I missed the appearance of Trowa at my side until the soft harmony of a flute made my eyes snap open.

I kept playing as I watched 03, his eyes closed in silent praise to a loved song as his fingers flowed gracefully over the body of the flute in perfect harmony with me.

At that moment, I don't believe I've ever seen something more beautiful than Trowa Barton, playing a sweet song as his fire tinted hair blew in the wind. My rebellious emotions made my breathe catch and the only thought that ran through my mind right then was that I was very glad playing violin had nothing to do with breathing right now.

Those last few moments before the song ended were some of the most peaceful, truly happy moments of my life and as the song came to an end, we simply stood there in a comfortable silence. I had forgotten to take my eyes off of the mysterious pilot as he lowered the flute from his beautiful mouth and slowly opened his green eyes. Very green eyes. Funny how I hadn't noticed them before. Green, my favorite color.

My own emotions were too whirly to even attempt to feel Trowa's so I smiled at him in bewildered contentment. It seems that smile was to become the one thing I regretted doing the most in our whole week of being stuck together in that house. Whatever compatible happiness we had felt together disappeared as I watched Trowa's face literally close off. He didn't even acknowledge me as he turn and walked back towards our house.

After that, the sun didn't seem so bright anymore.

*******

We must have appeased the scientists with our week long group therapy secession because we were sent back out into the war as an alliance for the colonies. We began getting missions with us partnered together, sometimes with just one other pilot sometimes with two or more. As luck, or unluck, would have it, my first partnered mission was with Wufei. A simple Search and Destroy. A relief as well, because anything harder would have been impossible with the tense Chinese pilot. He either had a problem with me and what had happened, understandable since I did seduce him and walked away, or he had a problem with himself and what had happened, stupid since I had seduced him and walked away. Either way he had a problem.

We met two days before we would attack and 05 had barely spoken a single word at me, only snapping out sharp responses when needed. I'm usually a very mild-mannered person, I do not let other people's opinions get to me, but Chang Wufei was really trying my patience. He was deliberately being sulky and counter-productive to the mission.

Against my will, Heero's words come back to me: Follow Your Emotions.

Okay, Heero, we'll do it your way.

I grab a stick and poke at our small fire, only there to give a bit of warmth and to cook our last meal until late tomorrow night. I was raised to be good with my words, so I hope this works.

“Chang, what happened was my fault. I know that. You know that. Now, please get over it and let us try and work together without accidentally killing each other tomorrow.”

Okay, that was a bit more gruff and insensitive than I intended it to be. It obviously came off more gruff than Wufei thought I could be by the expression his face. Its hard to tell with the orange glow from the fire, but Chang's face seems to take on a red hue.

“Be that as it may, I had the ability to say no at anytime and I didn't. I let my control slip. That is unacceptable.”

For a man who has a strong dislike for all things female, he sure has the morning after scenario down pat. Time to soothe the wounded dragon's pride.

I look at my feet, the perfect picture of shame, which I am surprised to admit that I feel now, after the fact. I played with his emotions like I was taught to do. Was that wrong?

“Wufei, your honor is untarnished. I have been...conditioned to do things to a person, male or female, to make them loose control. If it makes you feel any better, you were broken my the best.”

Wufei scowls at me, but I get the feeling its not at me.

“Conditioned? Like Yuy was?”

He thinks I'm like Heero? That's almost a compliment, in its own way. I still shake my head at him.

“My mother's bloodline, her legacy, the Raberba family, whatever you wish to call it, is that of a unique breed of........ assassins. We're taught how to kill, obviously, how to use our strengths and how to fix our weaknesses and exploit the weakness of others to our best advantage. It seems though, that the world would rather remember us for our ability to use our bodies to our best ability, be it killing our enemy or teaching our allies to fear us.”

The incredulous expression on my partner's face would have been comical had the situation not been so important. I think I expected him to blow up in a fit of wild rage. Hm.

“So back in the cave,” He wanted to be clear on everything I suppose. “you what? Seduced me?”

Well, he hasn't tried to shoot me or take out his impressive katana, I just might be in the clear here.

“Yes.”

“Why?” There is a ring of anger in his voice this time, finally something familiar again, something I expected.

I really should explain.

“You did not respect me.” A guilty squirm. “You think that I am simply a spoiled, little boy looking to impress my daddy, just as you think Duo is merely fighting this war to get off of L2. I probably would have forgiven your pride had you not hurt my own so much. Imagine for a moment, if I had told you that I felt your search for honor was dishonorable because you go out actively looking for glory. Would you not wish to teach me a lesson?”

I can tell I have giving him some food for thought as he sits there quietly, pondering my explanation. I believe I have put it into a context that will make the most sense to him and his morals.

His inky black eyes suddenly look up at me in understanding.

“This was about family dignity.”

I nodded. He continued.

“I wronged your family's honor and you retaliated. I understand.” Was that a hint of a smile, I saw? “Just don't do it again.”

I give him a true Raberba smirk. “Only if you want me to.”

I laughed out loud when he scowled at me.

********

That conversation seemed to ease away my doubts as the war waged on. It gave me the validation I was unconsciously seeking. I was partnered with each pilot many times during the next three months and we began to form a close brotherhood. Wufei and I began to talk about our favorite authors and our likes and dislikes in music and art. He had planned on being a scholar before Operation Meteor and the Alliance killed his wife. I feel his guilt every time he thinks of her but I suppose this is something he has to figure out on his own. Any fool can see that his actions could have done nothing to safe her. If he had been the one to fight, she might have died in a burning building or been blown up fleeing for shelter.

I think Heero is disappointed in me for not stopping my mission completely. He's been cold lately, but not so much as to stop our small conversations about battle tactics and strategy. I feel like I have two different Heeros in my mind when I talk with him. First I see the cold, unapproachable Heero who was prepared to kill me when we first met, when I introduced myself as Quatre Raberba Winner to the group. I also see the softer, understanding Heero form the library, who sees an innocence in me I just cannot see in myself. Sometimes though, he holds that perfect soldier persona so well, that for a moment, I forget he's human too.

Trowa is still distant but I feel as if a lot of his fear of me has gone. There are moments when he tenses up, like he is expecting something to happen and it confuses me. He closes off after that and it takes me ages to get back to those little one worded answers I cherish so much with him. He has a lovely voice that makes me wish he spoke more often; its deep but soft at the same time. I feel a bit of excited sorrow at the fact that I cannot get a clear reading of his emotions yet. It makes him all the more mysterious. We still play music together.

If I had ever had a best friend in this lifetime, it is Duo Maxwell. He's clever, funny, honest to a point of being called blunt and just entertaining to be around. He brings life everywhere he goes. He teases everyone in our little group, Wufei the most, just because Duo lives for the reactions he gets. Calling the proud Chang Wufei 'Fifi' is a way to get a reaction out of someone. Stealing Heero's laptop and creating a program that makes a flashing scroll of the words 'Pink is my favorite color' follow the mouse arrow is a way to get a reaction. Trowa doesn't react, at least not like Heero and Wufei. I honestly think Trowa simply sleeps with his eye open when Duo starts buzzing around him.

Just yesterday, Duo made the mistake that has forced me to revive my mission. I asked him why he doesn't tease me as much as the others and got the reply that I was too cute to be teased so unmercifully. I saw Wufei open his mouth to warn the braided pilot of his mistake before a wonderfully devious plot must have struck his mind and he kept quiet. Heero gave me a warning glare and a felt a sudden flash of intense jealousy directed at me.

Perhaps when I'm finished with Duo, I'll play matchmaker.

********

The safe house was empty when we stumbled in, a couple of hours past midnight and not very far from being totally drunk. Well, Duo was about a glass and a half away from being smashed while I could go another half a case of beer before I felt tipsy. I was just extremely relaxed right now.

Duo had convinced me, or so I let him think, that a victory drink was in order. Our latest mission had been to infiltrate the OZ base in New Mexico and steal the data they had complied on our Gundams. It was not much, a few fuzzy descriptions and an even fuzzier picture, but enough to make our scientists balk at the amount.

It had taken four days just to get all of the information on the base's security system, what time the guards changed and what positions they took. Once we had secured the information, Duo did what he did best; he blew the place up.

Still in our OZ uniforms, we got a bit sidetracked, after giving confirmation of our completed mission, to a little bar called El Rey Del Sol for a few beers. That's when I began to notice the more Duo drank, the more he kept putting his arm around me. Apparently 02 was one of those touchy-feely drunks that thought cursing was the next best thing since sliced bread.

“Wasn't it awe-sum, Q-bear? Just fucking awe-sum! Those Ozzies sure are shitheads, huh? But we got 'em! We got 'em fucking good!”

I sighed patiently as I levered my friend into the house. Heero, Wufei and Trowa were on a mission in Japan and not due back for another two days. I know its the prefect time to complete this part of my mission but I feel a small tinge of regret. I taking advantage of someone who obviously trusts me enough to get wasted and to get him home in one piece. I am not sure if Duo is an amazing judge of character or a lousy one.

Duo sent a beaming grin my way as I made him sit on the kitchen table and went about making a pot of coffee. Something to at least make him able to perform but still confused enough to be taken advantage of.

Duo started talking about the mission again, only this time I seemed to be the focus of this rant.

“You were fucking great too, Quat! Goddammit, your shooting was spot on.” Snicker. “Spot on! Isn't that a funny saying?”

I rolled my eyes at the moon in amused exasperation. Duo quieted suddenly and in the window I saw his reflection squint at me, head
tilted slightly to the right.

“Hey, Q-bean. You know you look sorta like an angel like that. All bright and innocent. And cute. Well, more like a Charlie's Angel cuz you carry a gun around and help save the world.” Duo's hand was pointing at me in the shape of a gun, one bleary eyed closed in the parody of a wink.

Innocent. There was that damn word again.

I raise an eyebrow slowly and the look on Duo's face changes to confusion. Another slow, silky movement later and I turn to face my friend.

“Duo, do you ever ...fear me?”

It took a moment to process my question before I am graced with another bright smile.

“Naw, man. I know deep down your just a little kitten. Now Trowa Barton, he's a scary one. Is it normal to talk so fucking little?”

Now he's talking about Trowa?! I stride over to my distracted friend and lean over him, my hands splayed on the table down by his hips.

We were practically nose to nose, close enough I could see the confused lust in those amazing violet eyes. I can easily admit that all of my comrades are pillars of beauty, inside and out, but Duo is the only one who seems to know it. Instinctively know it too, not in the way Heero and I were trained to use our bodies.

“What in the hell are you doing, Q?” Duo's voice was unsure as one of his lanky hands came to to touch my cheek of their own accord. Wide eyes looked at the appendage in surprise before looking into my face as I brushed my cheek against the hand.

I let a smirk cross my face and mentally preened when 02's eyes widened further.

“I don't scare you at all? Not even a little bit?” As I spoke I had tilted my head just a smudge to the left and gently nuzzled my way down to Maxwell's neck, making sure to breath my hot breathe onto his skin.

I saw an Adam's apple bob viciously for a moment but hands did not push me away. No one has ever pushed me away.

The hand that had touched my cheek had worked its way into my hair and was gripping it gently, although I knew he wanted to clench his fist into a tight ball, to resist me.

“N-now, Quat you should kn-now that I-I don't fear m-my best b-bud.”

I flicked my tounge out to lick at his pulse and gave a slight grin when I received a gasp and a jump for my actions. I could already feel 02's skin heating up from the alcohol and the hormones.

I continued to give little kisses and licks as I spoke to my target, making him confused and horny.

“Not even a little bit? Considering we are both trained to know every piece of the human body....what causes pain-” I snapped at his shoulder, leaving teeth marks but nothing to bruise. I got a strangled moan in response. “- what causes pleasure-” I grabbed his hips with him hands that had stayed on the table top and pulled him towards me.

Whether he wanted them to or not, long lean legs wrapped around him waist and a satisfied hiss tore itself from between Maxwell's teeth.

“N-no. Quatre. I-I don't fear you.”

I nearly pout and stamp my foot in frustration at that stuttered phrase. I can feel him trembling in my arms, longing to move against me and I can sense his confusion but he still insists he has no fear. I pull back to my primary position and look him in the eye. I hope this gets through his fogged mind.

“Well, perhaps you should.”

I share no soft, hesitant kiss with him; he does not need to be prepared for this. It is how he likes his romance, sudden and somewhat unexpected. That way he can't run from them. It does not matter this time though, I would not have let him run. I hope Heero will do the same, when the time comes. I hope Duo will let him.

Maxwell is the first to reach for the clothes, pulling my button up OZ dress shirt over my head, buttons pinging as they bounce off of the floor. Oh, well. It wasn't like it was my shirt. He's kissing my chest as I run my fingers over his hair, I think I hear him whisper something threatening before pulling him back into another kiss. It was brief, hot and clumsy as I pulled back to give Duo's shirt the same treatment he'd given mine.

We were Gundam pilots, we have scars, but Duo's seems to stick out like neon signs. He has one very vivid scar that starts on his lower back and runs up over one bony hip to disappear down into the waist band of his pants. It was thin but I saw it and quickly dropped to trace it with my tongue, making the braided American's legs fall reluctantly from my waist. I blew on the small trail of saliva , making goosebumps pop up on that lovely chest and the tightening of bronze nipples.

“What happened?” I asked him as a sweet moan filled the air.

“Shrapnel. A few years back when I was training.” A rough hand grabbed my hair and pulled me up to meet a demanding mouth. “Less talk, more kiss.”

I agree as I work a hand down between our now flush bodies to undo Duo's pants. I break our kiss again to push him back and pull the uniform's bottom half down those long legs and off onto the tile floor. I run my hands over the smooth skin of Duo's calves and thighs before slinky back up to stand over my friend. I bypass his crotch to lean over him and begin a new trail of kisses up to his face before crawling onto the table to cover his body with mine.

The curtains flutter in a slight breeze and out of the corner of my eye, I see it. A knife. A regular looking steak knife, glinting in the moonlight. Without thought and more on instinct and desperation I grab it and pull away from Duo, holding the knife at his neck. A slight flicker of shock and confusion brightened Duo's lust darkened eyes as he looked up at me, panting slightly.

“How about now?” I ask, my voice shaking as I press the blade down on my best friend's throat gently. I really did not want to kill him, just strike some pure unaltered fear into his mind. On assassin instincts I had grabbed a weapon but I did not feel the amazing burst of power that usually followed my taking control and turning the tables. “Do you fear me now?”

I could feel his emotions and I was close to tears when I realized there was truly no fear from my friend. He felt lust, understanding, confusion, compassion and a bit of friendly love but no fear.

My hand shook as one of Duo's came up slowly to push the knife away from his neck. Swiftly, he sat up and tilted my eyes to look at his.

“No.”

A gentle kiss. What was with these guys and kissing me like I was made of glass? I drop the knife.

“No I do not fear you, Quatre Winner. I respect you greatly but I would never burden you with my fear.”

His hands worked at the button on my pants as I nodded in acceptance but my mission was not complete and he knew this.

“We will finish this to whatever is acceptable because you need
to. And I need to.”

The pants hit the floor somewhere on the other side of the kitchen thanks to Duo's enthusiasm as this time he kisses me like he was the one who had started it all. I pushed down his boxers and grasped him firmly. For some reason, I wanted this over. I warily accepted it when Duo followed Wufei and Heero and pushed his hand down into my own boxers. We both gasped at the contact, Duo a lot more vocal than myself.

As we both began pumped each other's erection, I tried to relax and let myself imagine I was where I wanted to be. I cast about in my mind as our thrusts and speed increased, not noticing that my setting never wavered. Instead chestnut locks turned to reddish-brown bangs that looked like silk and violet eyes faded to emerald green as the heat curling in my tummy built and built until I came with a name whispered on my lips.

“Trowa...”

I had tightened my grip so much so Duo gave one last jerk and came as well. Nearly deafening me with his shout of Heero's name in my ear.

Then the bastard passed out.

I looked at Duo's slack, peaceful face for a moment before climbing off of his still warm body. I carefully cleaned him off before pulling his boxers back up. He had to be unconscious since he didn't even stir when I had a bit of a hard time working him into my arms before I could toss him onto his bed and close the door.

My mind was in a daze as I returned to the kitchen and looked at the clothes strewn all around the room. Slowly I sank to the floor by the leg of the table, and wrapped my arms around my knees.

Then, for the first time in my memory, I cried.

~ * ~

Chapter 4

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