"Being A Raberba"

Written By: sami (sparkley-tangerine)

Disclaimer: I tried to buy the rights to the idea but Heero had a gun and, well....that's all I can remember.

Author: sami (sparkley-tangerine)

Author's e mail: cindersam_6969@yahoo.ca

Rating: R (Parts 1, 2 and 3) NC-17 (Part 4)

Warnings: yaoi/Shonen ai, POV fic, a smidge of angst, lime, eventual lemon

Summary: Quatre's PoV. Just a reason why Quatre introduces himself as Quatre Raberba Winner and how this affects his relationships with the guys and his romance with Trowa. Starts out with none of the pilots knowing each other but progresses up to after Duo finds Trowa at the circus. Some events have been tweaked to fit the fic.

Pairings: Part 4 : 4X3X4(lemon), 1X2X1(hints)

~ blah blah~ denotes the ZERO system in Quatre's head
~” blah blah”~ denotes Quatre speaking while under ZERO's influence
-blah blah- denotes Quatre's thoughts

"Being A Raberba"

Part 4 - Trowa's Love

Duo never spoke of that night, even though I am sure Heero asked him what had happened. I think that it was possibly because he forgave me for my actions or maybe he was just embarrassed that he had called Heero's name and hoped I would not tell the stoic pilot.

Either way, my mission was three quarters of the way complete and for the first time since it started, I did not feel that lost, overwhelming feeling of uncertainty that had plagued me before. For the first time in a long time I listened to what my emotions were telling me about myself and not what they told me about someone else and I felt......better.

Heero seemed to understand and he actually smiled at me once, as Duo was talking non-stop about something or another. His words ran true in my mind, making sense of his message and not corrupting it to fit my self-imposed mission anymore. For so long, I had been told I was a Winner and exactly what that meant I had to be and I hated it. I couldn't be me. When I discovered what my mother had been, what she had given me, I took it, just because it was the complete opposite of what being a Winner meant. I thought that this, being a Raberba, was being me. But it wasn't and I fought so hard to make it work, to make myself happy being either Quatre Winner or Quatre Raberba.

What was the irony of ironies was that I introduced myself as the person I was meant to be, all this time, without even knowing it. I always told them I was Quatre Raberba Winner, I just never thought I could actually be Quatre Raberba Winner. Really, how could I be the pacifist Winner heir and the dangerous last Raberba at the same time? But I am; I'm the reluctant soldier of peace, the empathic killer that Heero and Duo saw those nights and they understood my confusion.

Quatre Raberba Winner.

Casual words are really hidden secrets.

With my new frame of mind, I thought about my mission. It was all about teaching them what being a Raberba meant, but I wasn't just a Raberba anymore. I was a Raberba and a Winner. That meant many things. It meant I followed my emotions, it meant that I went after what I wanted and it meant taking the time to figure out exactly what those things were.

That was the hard part. A Winner wanted peace, love and understanding in the world. We were dreamers with a lot of money. A Raberba just wanted to survive, whether the world was at peace or at the brink of Armageddon. So my new goal should be surviving in a peaceful world, right?

But I was a soldier as well. Soldiers...we do not survive so well in times of peace. Peace makes us feel...... defective and useless. However, the rest of humanity were not soldiers. I wanted peace for them. I truly did. One thing both the Raberbas and the Winners had in common was the need to protect their own. I had twenty nine loving sister and my mother's family kept our...legacy, just that, in the family. I wanted my family, the people of L4, of the colonies to not have to become like me, like us five. We were alone in the universe and I hated that.

Alone. Now there was another thing I would not push upon my worst enemy. Duo hates the silence of loneliness, he tries to drown it out with his own voice. Being alone would kill me too. I do not know where the five of us; Duo, Wufei, Heero, Trowa and myself will end up, but I believe we will ended up there together.

So I wanted to be able to survive in a world of peace I helped create for the ones I love and to find my place in that world. Still, something felt missing, something I needed and wanted but I was scared. Something that had made itself known to me, that night with Duo. It would take something big to make me face that part of me, to admit what I knew was true. To admit that I loved Trowa Barton.

Too bad it took me killing him to see that.


I knew the moment the ZERO system hummed into life that I was lost to its pull. It was built to....improve our skills but I was too sensitive, too susceptible to its commands because of my 'Space Heart'.

~Peace. Your mission requires you to create peace. Create it.~

A voice, from somewhere, ZERO a part of my mind supplied, sounds in my head. It makes sense, I say I want peace, why not just create it?

“How can I make peace?”

~Destroy the problem. The aggressor.~

Another logical conclusion.

~“Where is my enemy?”~ The words sound foreign in my mouth as I whisper them to the Gundam.

Those are the words I've heard Heero utter as he too piloted this deathtrap.

~You must destroy Space. Space is the problem~

Space? How can I destroy space? A wave of hopelessness settles over me before ZERO viciously tears it away.

~You are not helpless! Destroy your enemy!~

My enemy. I'm not sure I know who that is anymore. OZ? Earth?

My father's face flickers through my mind and ZERO lets my rage fuel my need for revenge. Outer Space is Crazy. It needs to be destroyed, just as it has destroyed my father.

Names, places, co-ordances and a million other numbers, data is the word supplied by my mind, run over me as I simply exist as a vessel for the ZERO System.

~“Calling Colony 06E3. I will now eliminate your colony.”~

A blinding light makes me gasp as, for a moment, I shake off ZERO's controls...what happened? A wetness on my face alerts me to just how blurry my eyes have gone. I'm crying? Why? I'm not the least bit sad.

~03 to your left~

I turn to see that Heavyarms has come. Fear nearly paralyzes me as I feel the system take over again. Distantly I hear Trowa ask me what I'm doing and ZERO supplies my answer.

~“Trowa, Outer Space has gone crazy. I'm going to use this Gundam to destroy it all!”~

It makes sense to me but it appears as though the others might not agree. Inside I cringe as ZERO attacks Trowa.

~“Tell the others for me. Tell them not to get close to me. Otherwise I'll end up killing them.”~

~01 to your right~

Oh Allah, not Heero as well. He's trying to make me stop. -But its not me!- A voice whispers in my ear. Why do I need to stop? Why do I always have to listen to Heero?! Who died and made him leader?

“I'll kill you, Quatre.” Heero sounds serious. Oh, I hope so. Trowa's not doing so well.

~“Then hurry up and kill me and go rescue Trowa!”~

That's the last thing I remember saying other than the realization I had killed the one person I had wanted in my life. Heero hadn't killed me. He couldn't, at least not before I had killed Trowa.

Those words kept sounding in my head over and over again.

I killed Trowa. I killed Trowa. I killed Trowa.

I. Killed. Trowa.


********

Why, out of all of the pilots, was I stuck following Heero Yuy around? He who seemed to be stuck following Relena Peacecraft around. Well, actually I knew the reason why I was following him around but it helped me feel better when I questioned it. I owe him. He took me in after........the Incident and put me back together. Gave me a reason to fight. Gave me my sanity back.

Forgave me for killing his best friend.

I feel an ache in my chest, right where my heart should be when I think about him. That's right, where it should be because I am now of the opinion that I have no heart. If I had a heart it would have stopped when I killed Trowa, thus killing myself as well. Since I am still damningly alive, I must conclude that I have no heart. Heero has pointed out that if I had no heart I would be dead as well but I ignore him. What does he know?

I've talked to Duo and Wufei as well. They say they do not blame me, that ZERO drove me insane but I honestly do not believe them. One thing my little stunt with ZERO has done, is put some fear into Duo's heart. How can he not fear someone who could blow up a colony and the person they love so easily? I give a dark chuckle to myself, making Heero look back at me. I think he is worried. I can't tell anymore, my Space Heart has stopped working since Trowa died. Trowa died.

Oh, Heero's found Relena. Let the show begin.

********

I know I had to be the color of something you found in a sewer but things like that just could not be helped. I just starred at my computer screen for the longest time. Was it possible? Or was it some cruel, sick joke? Duo was the self-proclaimed prankster of us all, would he torment me like this? The line was not the most secure but only someone who knew who we were could have known it was us communicating and the message was loud and clear to me.

Kat,

Found Tro at home. Need assistance. Sister is a bitch. Weather is nice.
Double Braided Baka

Duo had found Trowa. How and in what condition was too sensitive to be said in an email like this, but 02 needed assistance and I was the one he had asked for it from. If Trowa was alive, it would take more than death to stop me form seeing him, bitchy sisters and all.

My duffel was always packed, I honestly do not think any of us Gundam pilots unpack, even in our safe houses. There are to places in which we truly live, in our cockpits and out of our duffels. I left Heero a note saying that a family member of mine had been found out to be sick and my brother, Double needed some assistance in getting him home. I had a fleeting want of being able to see Heero's face when he figured out the message but the need to find Trowa, safe and live, was too much to bear.

I was gone in two minutes.

For all of my brilliance, I had completely forgotten that L3 had been taken by the enemy. Ozzies, as Duo liked to affectionately scream at them, were crawling all over the place and I had to use all of my charm and ability to not be arrested for breathing at the wrong interval. How Duo got through here unnoticed is making my head spin. He sticks out so much, even in crowds like this, if he was not arrested on site for being suspicious looking, I'm wondering who he had to kill to make this work.

As I stand in line, waiting to be cleared, which I will be, make no doubt of it, I notice a sign pasted onto the wall of the station that makes me grin. The circus is in town.

Trowa.

The circus was a wonderful place.

That was my first thought as I looked around at the bright, multi-colored tents and the interesting costumes. I can see why Duo would stay close by; this would be the only place he would fit in, no questions asked.

The smells of the animals cages were not as bad as those back in the cushy mansions of L4 had led me to believe It smelled a lot like love and warm straw. Hardly anything to turn your nose up against at all.

Turning a corner, I nearly choked when I saw him. Duo was dressed in what appeared to be rainbow stripped clown pants, with big red shoes and his usual black t-shirt. The bright white suspenders kept the pants in place as my braided friend made a nation of balloon animals for the children piled around his knees. He even had a hat with a per pellar on it, twisting madly.

“Ok squirts, who wants a poodle?”

One little girl with curly blond pigtails and a bright pink skirt gave a gentle tug on Duo's pants and shyly asked for the gift. Duo's grin was as bright as the sun as he handed her the balloon and her toothless grin in return was just as bright.

-This was who I had wanted peace for.- I thought as I watched the children play with their toys. Many boys were whacking each other with swords, pretending to be Gundams as they watched out for their mothers' ears. My grin lessened at that thought. The colonies claimed to not support us anymore, and yet, little kids were pretending to be us. Duo's face was comical as one particularly tiny boy asked for a green scythe.

As the kids scampered off to find their probably frantic parents, Duo wandered over to me, an actual smile on his face.

“Doncha just love kids?” he asked me as he tried to pull up his sagging pants. “They're just so full of life and innocence, yanno?”

“They remind me of you.” I teased, and it was true. Duo was one of the biggest kids I knew. A very sad, jaded kid, but a kid no less. My friend made a face at that.

“Well, if I have it my way, I'll never grow up. Especially if gowning up means turning out like Fifi. I coulda swore they stopped makin' people that uptight a coupl-a centuries ago.”

I simply shake my head at him; it really is no use trying to talk to him about things like acting his age and growing up. Duo swears he's allergic.

We laps into a somewhat tense silence. I just want to scream at him to tell me where Trowa is but its not safe. What a way to put him in danger after just practically killing him.

Instead, Duo leads me to the end of the circus, where there are a lot of identical, smaller tents set up. We stop beside one at the very edge of the assembled group and wait. Duo makes no move to enter a tent, nor does he start the conversation, instead he stands there, hands down deep in the pockets of his pants and whistles a tune, looking at the ground.

Suddenly, he points at something and I look down quickly to see, only to find myself pushed into the closest tent and onto my back, my duffel landing near the tent's edge. A moment later Duo pops in, only to trip over my duffel and crash into a cot, the only thing actually set up under the makeshift room.

He has the nerve to giggle quietly as I glare at him from my position on the ground before the laugh is gone and a small transistor radio is flicked on to drown out our voices.

“I take it you got my message.”

“Where's Trowa?” I nearly wince at how needy I sound. Duo must know what I'm feeling as he grabs my arms almost as if to hold me back from just venturing out there and screaming for Trowa to come out.

“Easy there Lover Boy. It's not that simple.”

I can feel my heart rate increasing at the look on Duo's face. He's usually never this serious unless it has to do with his hair or Heero showing emotion. Or who ate the last bit of pizza.

“Trowa doesn't remember us.”

Oh, no. Anything but that. I must have looked as bad as I felt because Duo rushed to explain.

“He's not that bad, he just has no idea who he is, was, is, whatever! Plus some chick named Cathrine won't let me see him long enough to tell him about us. Man, that girl's got some nerve! She accused me of taking Trowa away to hurt him!”

Duo's outrage was duly noted but at the moment she, this Cathrine, could have pulled a knife on Duo and I could worry less. Trowa had lost his memory. And it was all of my fault. Damn, Heero for telling me to live by my emotions! It has only caused me and the people I love more pain and heartache.

“But there is good news, buddy! Before that crazy lady got me kicked out of the tent, Trowa asked me if I knew who you were!”

My head snapped up so quickly I probably would have drove Duo's jaw up into his brain if he were any closer. Trowa knew me? He asked for me? Suddenly I was angry.

“You said his memory was gone!?”

There was a spooky silence after that as we both shivered. The voice that had just yelled at Duo was not my usual sweet one, nor was it the one I used on him and the others when I had been a Quatre Raberba. No, I had sounded like I had when I was piloting Wing ZERO. My discomfort was obvious as Duo gave me a small shaky grin and explained.

“He seems to know who you are. I only got to say yes before 'Cathy'-” Here Duo spoke in a really snide tone, using his hands in the shape of crude puppet poses as he said her name. “-took out her knives. That girl is seriously freaky.”

I swallowed nervously. Trowa knew me. Okay. Heart stop fluttering and we'll be okay. I suddenly wished I had something to throw up the butterflies in my stomach into.

“So what's our plan?”

Duo's grin was mischievous as he looking at me.

“Quat, man. We're going to the circus.”

********

Duo's plan, was actually really good for a 'flying by the seat of your plants' kind of idea, I thought as I squirmed in my seat. There was a big turnout for the Big Tent Acts and Duo had placed us right in the middle of the bleachers. All in cohesion with 'The Plan'.

Eugh, he's even got me referring to it with capital letters in my head.

The Plan was simple. If Trowa knew my name, he probably knew my face as well, or so we hoped. If he saw me, perhaps it would jog his memory, or maybe he would come over to see me. If not, I would conventialy bump into Trowa and recognize him. Duo was going to take care of the Knife Lady if she became a problem.

“He always looks into the crowd when he does his high wire routine, so make sure you are looking up when he does.”

My heart skipped at beat at those words.
“High wire routine?!” I know my voice was pitchy with panic but I did NOT care. “Duo, you never said it was a hire wire act! What happens if he sees me and falls?!”

The shocked blink I received in response told me Duo had not thought about that scenario. His hands jerked in a familiar pattern before a not so cocky grin flashed my way.

“No sweat, Q-ball. Change of plans. Trowa looks into the crowd you hide on the floor, savvy?”

I nodded curtly. I was willing to eat Duo's braid if it kept Trowa from falling.

Duo apparently forgot to mention that the high wire act was also first in the show. I nearly choked on my tongue as I suddenly looked for a way to get onto the floor by our feet and not look suspicious.

Slamming my hand over my right eye, I gasped loudly. “My contact!” Before diving into the sea of legs and rolling under the bench. Duo made a show of trying to help me, while keeping an eye out for Trowa. It was lying on that dirty floor, hiding, that I saw him for the first time since that day in space.

He looked just as I remembered him, tall and silent with his reddish brown bangs draped over one eye. The only addition was the outrageous costume and the mask that covered one half of his face. I struggled with conflicting emotions, willing him to both see me and not see me as I lay there, ignoring Duo's sly grin for staring at Trowa Barton.

Then he was gone. I waited until the thunderous applause died down before coming out and dusting myself off. He was really alive.

Duo kept a smug smile on his face at my somewhat dazed expression throughout the rest of the show. I only had to leave once more, during the lion's act, until it was beginning to get late. The combination of soda and popcorn made Duo rub his belly in complaint.

“Dude, let me out. I need to take a piss before I make like a dog and mark my territory right here.”

That was rather crude and I didn't begrudge the older woman sitting behind us who whacked Duo's head with her purse. Of course, it wasn't very mature of Duo to give her the finger either.

Minutes seemed to fly by as the circus folk set up for the last act and Duo had yet to reappear. Allah, the line ups for the toilets were probably miles long this late in the evening, especially if a particular family had a long drive home.

The last act was announced and I couldn't help but grin. Cathrine Bloom and Her Knives of Doom. It is a good thing Duo had left her alone when he did, she was a professional! Cathrine did many neat tricks with her daggers, making the crowd 'ohh' and 'ahhh' in delight. I'd already seen them and could do most of them. Some tricks were merely a slight of hand.

With a suddenly flash, the lights went completely on and I gasped as the Ringmaster announced 'Cathy's' final trick. She was going to throw knives at her assistant.

Who just so happened to be Trowa.

I hadn't even realized I was standing until I felt a gentle hand pull me down and the older woman behind me speak.

“It's okay. I've seen this show a dozen times, she's never hit him.” The yet was left unsaid.

It took every bit of my training not to leap off of the bleachers and into the ring as I watched Cathy throw her knives. She had thrown eight of them already and Trowa had yet to open his eyes. The last two would hopefully land on either side of his head. Hopefully. I groaned miserably.

It was just before those last two knives went flying that Trowa's dark green eyes snapped open and starred at me with an uncanny accuracy. I felt then, deep in my chest, a heat as recognization and happy surprise filled my Space Heart. And for the first time since meeting him, I could feel Trowa's feelings for me, his attraction and confused love.

There were actual emotions on that handsome face, shock most likely, with the wide green eyes and slightly open mouth. The knives hit the wood on either side of his face and he didn't even blink. I did the only thing I could do as everyone rose and clapped. I smiled at him.

And he smiled back.

I lost him as the lights dimmed and people began shifting, heading out of the tent. No, not yet! Not now! I jumped up and began pushing people out of my way, looking for the back of the tent, the lions. Trowa had said he loved the lions.

I swear I was flying to get back there before the Knife Lady could put away her weapons, hoping against hope that the smile had been in remembrance of me and not just for some random stranger.

Be it my surprise to find him waiting for me, dressed in his usual light blue jeans and dark turtleneck.

“Trowa....” I trailed off as he looked at me intently.

“Quatre? You are Quatre, aren't you?”

I nodded and he continued, speaking in his soft deep voice.

“Who are you? How do we know each other?”

I felt quivery as I looked into his face.

“It's a long story. A long complicated story.”

That expressionless mask came back as the tall boy grabbed my hand and nodded.

“We'd best do this in my trailer. Cathrine won't be held back for long.”

The logical part of my mind, the part that has been in control of my actions for far too long told me it was stupid to believe that the tingles in my hand were real and from his touch. The other part of me was too busy trying to hold back the salivating hormones trying to break out.

I suddenly wanted Trowa Barton. Badly. Consequences be damned, the mission was going to be completed and not because of my hurt pride, but because I wanted to finish it. With Trowa. Only Trowa.

The crowd had thinned tremendously since this morning, I noticed as I lengthened my strides to keep up with my friend's. He seemed eager to get to some place quiet and a bit jumpy.

We passed many circus people who waved at Trowa as we weaved through them, hands joined tightly as we reached the ares with the tiny parked trailers. Trowa's was found at the edge of the group, very much like Duo's tent. I guess soldier instincts are not the easiest to simply forget.

Somehow I mad it up the rickety stairs to the door, not once letting Trowa pull his hand away, not without having my own hand sawed off first.

The inside of the home was bare, only a small pull out bed, kitchen table with two chairs. Trowa tried to let go of my hand , to sit down, but I could not just let him go. Again. I pulled him back to me, quite suddenly and looked up into his face.

“What do you remember?”

Green eyes became distant as that voice I loved so much answered.

“I remember that guy with the braid, I knew his hair. And another boy, with intense blue eyes. And an Asian boy with a sword. No names, other than yours. And your face.” That last part was barely a whisper. “Who am I?”

I wasn't sure whose feelings I was feeling at that moment, his or mine but they were a hurricane.

“The guy with the braid is Duo. Heero has the blue eyes and Wufei is the one who carries a sword. They are our friends.” Trowa nodded at me but I had left one question unanswered purposely.

“And you?”

“You are someone very special to me. Someone I hurt, unintentionally and I'm so very sorry.”

Trowa looked rightly confused but a small smile graced his face.

“It is alright. I don't really remember what happened but I am still alive.” There was an awkward pause. “How special were we?”

I had to hold back the words 'How special do you want us to be?' Instead, an idea passed though my mind as I gave him a slow grin and stepped up into his personal space. Instinctively, Trowa's warm hands came up to grasp my arms, his eyes wide.

“What else do you remember about me?” I asked, my voice husky with emotion.

Trowa looked as if he were trying to see right through me, so I kept my face as low as possible, looking at him through my eyelashes and blushing when I caught his gaze. I hoped he would get the right idea.

“Music.” Came the response finally. “I remember playing music with you. And talking to you by a fire. Watching you when you slept. Just all the time, watching you.”

A part of me felt bad, horrible actually, for taking advantage of him like this, but I just couldn't make myself let him go.

To my surprise, warm hands began running up and down my upper arms slightly, making me shiver. I tried to distract myself by putting my hands on the chest in front of me. I could feel the smooth muscles ripple as I stroked them through Trowa's thin shirt.

“What else?”

Trowa looked confused for a moment before his brows furrowed into an 'm' shape. He was thinking awfully intently on something as he let his hands run up and down my arms.

“Jealousy. I remember being very jealous of the boy with the braid. Duo?”

I nodded before putting my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. It was rapid and strong in my ear and I swear my own heart changed to beat in time with it. I tilted my head up to kiss his pulse.

“Why?”

Those heavenly hands slid up to my shoulders before running possessively down over my back. I had to take a deep shuddery breathe. Just who was seducing who here?

“He would......hug you. All the time.”

I pulled back to look at him, eyes wide. What?

“Duo is my best friend. Nothing more, Trowa.”

Fingers worked their way under my button down shirt as I gripped Trowa's shoulders. He had to know, even if he couldn't remember me, he had to know how I felt-feel for him!

“He could touch you.”

I moved a hand up into that amazing hair to pull my soon-to-be lover's face closer to me.

“Who said you couldn't?”

I couldn't wait any longer and he wasn't resisting me in any way. He was a big boy right? If Trowa wanted this to stop, he could stop it at anytime. I pulled him down into a kiss that felt like coming home. My mind was working a mile a minute as I ran my tongue over Trowa' bottom lip. There was a soft sigh as his mouth opened and our tongues met. It was electric and hot and wet and wonderful as we stood there and kissed.

As we battled playfully for dominance, I snuck my hands under his shirt and began to pull it up and over his head. I wanted to see him. The only time I've ever gotten to see Trowa without his clothes was when he had been injured after a rather hard mission. I should have realized then that I was dangerously attracted to Trowa Barton when it had taken me forty minutes to dress his wound.

His chest was beautiful; not overly defined like those men you see taking steroids and lifting weights constantly but defined enough to feel like silk covered steel as I touched it.

I was too preoccupied with touching Trowa I completely missed him taking off my vest and throwing it onto the kitchen table. His fingers undid every button in an almost frantic manner and I slid forward to kiss a nipple as my shirt disappeared as well.

I pulled back form worshiping Trowa's nipple, letting my lips brush against his heated skin as I straightened up.

“What else?”

Trowa didn't say anything at first, kissing my right cheek, my left cheek and my nose before moving to kiss each eyelid and my forehead.

“Fear.” He finally whispered into my hair as I pulled his body closer, craving some skin on skin contact. “I was afraid of you for a time, wasn't I?”

I nodded into his chest, nearly purring with happiness.

“We're the Gundam pilots, Trowa. All five of us.”

I expected him to freeze and pull away, or blatant denial. What I got was a nod and a soft, “Indeed...”

I let my index finger trail firmly down between those lovely muscles before bumping into the waistband of those tight jeans. I let a finger dip down into them to pull the button away form that taunt stomach and slowly undid it, waiting to see if Trowa would stop me.

He didn't.

I pulled the zipper down, noting with a flash of lust that Trowa had nothing on underneath. I looked up in amusement.

“They are rather tight jeans.” Was the answer to my silent question.

Slowly, I lent in and kissed a smooth thigh before switching over to kiss the other one, totally ignoring the obvious erection that was almost at face level with.

I stood with a teasing grin and reached for my own button, shimming out of them in a few seconds. Trowa looked around his trailer. There were not many places to use; the obvious answer was the pull out bed.

I had barely pulled my legs free from my own pants before Trowa grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the small bed, pushing me down on it.

I let him have his way, as I watched his gaze travel up my now blushing body to meet my own. Then, cat-like, I watched as Trowa began to crawl over me until we were face to face again.

I swallowed. “Do you remember anything else?”

I closed my eyes and shivered as lips kissed directly behind my ear. My ears have always been a sensitive part of my body. Trowa gave an experimentally lick and I moaned in appreciation before those lips settled beside my ear instead.

“I remember loving you, even though I thought I shouldn't.”

It was the truth, I could feel his love for me in my own heart.

“That is enough for me.” And it was.

Trowa sat back, letting a hand smooth itself way down to my bellybutton, circling it as the other hand searched in the drawer of the nightstand beside the bed for something. It seemed to take forever before he pulled out a tiny tube. I lay there and watched as he flicked open the top to the tube and gently squeezed out the translucent gel onto his fingers. The smell of coconut reached my nose and I quirked my head in question.

“It smells like you.”

Then I watched in hungry anticipation as Trowa lifted my leg and set a gentle kiss onto the arch of my foot, then my ankle, slowly working his way up my leg as his finger circled the place I wanted it to be.

I wanted to tell him that preparation wasn't necessary, those before him had rarely done it, but this was different. I actually wanted this with Trowa, I wanted it for a long time.

The slight discomfort was nothing compared to the pain of no prep at all, as Trowa slid one finger in to stretch me. It passed quickly into pleasure as my kind lover paused to let me adjust. Soon he added another finger, mostly at my urging until he hit that lovely spot I was hoping for, making me hiss in delight.

A deep rumble, like the purr of a lion sounded from Trowa's direction as I opened the eyes I hadn't even known I had closed. I gave him a very happy look as he smiled at me.

“You sound very happy.”

I make some sort of answering noise as he brushes that spot again and my crotch tightened happily.

“I'm ready, Trowa.” I gasp and nearly groan in frustration as he frowns.

“I don't want to hurt you.”

That tugs at my heart, and any other time I would think it was the sweetest thing I'd ever heard, but now was not the time.

“You can't hurt me.” I reassured him with another smile. “I just want you so much.”

I saw the struggle in those emerald eyes until Trowa dropped his head onto my bent knee with a groan of longing.

“Okay.”

It seemed to take forever until I felt him crawling back over me to whisper in my ear.

“Ready?”

I nod and pull him into a searing kiss as he pushes in. The discomfort returns but it is a good kind, the feeling of being full and complete, finally. I like to think that Trowa is just being considerate to me as he waits again for my adjustment, his body trembling on mine.

As I expect, the pain passes and I being to wriggle against him, grinning at the gaps he makes.

“Quatre...” The threat is not completed as I give him a tiny thrust to get started.

“What, lover mine?” I breathe into his ear. “It's okay.”

I feel him nod and begin to pull out. I almost stop him, panicking that he'll leave or that this is all an elaborate dream until he thrusts back, starting up a slow pace.

An odd thought about my desert home and the amazing heat in my lower belly makes me giggle slightly as the thrusts come faster and harder. Trowa whispered something about my beauty into my ear but I lost all sense as he grasped my aching erection and began to pump in rhyme with his thrusts.

It wasn't much longer after that,, until the spiral of heat flared and with a whisper of Trowa's name I came. Shuddering and still in the aftershocks of my own pleasure, I felt Trowa stiffen as well. His warmth filled me, making me unsure which was better, having my own orgasm or feeling Trowa's, before collapsing onto my sweaty body.

He was heavy but I didn't want him to leave, so I quickly snuck an arm around his waist and sighed. I was exhausted form the shock of finding out Trowa was still alive, the trip here and then the wait and now this. Sleep tugged at my eyelids as I felt him regretfully pull out of my and pull my back flush against his front.

As a strong arm curled around my chest, I felt Trowa whisper
something in my ear as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

“I'll always remember you, Quatre Raberba Winner.”

********

Duo Maxwell whistled a lively tune to himself as he made his way back to his tent. The show had been over now for about an hour and the disappearance of both Quat and Tro made him quiver in happiness.

The American pilot had been a bit nervous when Trowa had told him of his plan, especially since Q-bean had been feeling so down about 'killing' the mysterious 03. Still, it seemed as though things had worked out.

A sly grin crossed Duo's face as he lay back onto the cot. Poor Quatre would never know just who had seduced who this time.

~ * ~

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